Monday, September 29, 2008

I don't care if it isn't healthy!

I have an hour to kill. I should be doing something productive like homework or... well homework. But I'm not! (Digging the hole, slowly but surely).

Some guy just sat down near me with a hot dog. Not cool. SOOO hungry. Oh that smells delicious. Now I'm digging myself a hole while being tortured by the alluring smell of ketchup mustard and sauerkraut. Killer.

School is a conundrum. The closer I get to catching up, the further behind I'm getting. Its a bitch and a half. I miss the feeling of just being DONE. I wanna be done. Be able to take things on one day at a time. That kind of thing. Nope! I procrastinate too much for that. :)

OK Hot Dog Man. Could you enjoy your food any more? Eat anymore slowly? AHHHH!!!!!!
Thats it. I'm gonna go find myself something that looks a little like this:
And I'm going to enjoy it, DAMNIT!

Friday, September 26, 2008

My Patron is a Demanding Taskmaster

I'm having a little bit of a crisis. Just a little.
I think maybe school is pushing me over the edge. I feel like I'm trying so hard to care about things, but I can't. Its hard to explain. Its like a fuzz in my mind. I can't focus, I can't organize my thoughts, I can't organize anything really. My memory is also very... foggy. I can barely remember things that happened last week, let alone years ago. I have trouble piecing together things that happen over even a series of days.
I don't know. I'm probably overreacting. But its extremely frustrating.
I feel like whatever this is is also restricting the friendships I have. Its like I'm displaced from everyone else. I feel like I can barely hold down a relationship anymore. I don't notice when people care about me. Gosh this all sounds so dumb. I guess I'm just a little mixed up. I don't really know how to put into words how I'm feeling.
I'm very sad, as well, that Bailey is leaving. She is an amazing person that I feel I did not get to know as well as I would have liked to. I'm sure I had many chances but just never noticed them, or never took the opportunity. I guess I've closed myself off for the past few years. Anyway, I'm sure I'll see her again, and perhaps get the chance to know her a little better, but despite that I'm still sad that she'll be so far away. I'm so happy for her, and I know that she'll continue to do great things with her life. She seems like such a strong person. She's made quite an impression on everyone she knows. I just wish.. I don't know, just wishes.
Again, I sound like a crazy person.
Maybe I am a little bit crazy. :(

But on to happier subjects! I'm not that sick anymore! Everything still sounds a little bit like its underwater (stupid ears) but other than that I feel like maybe I can function again.
I hope.
Oh I'm just all sorts of down in the dumps. I think maybe I'll work on writing my book. Maybe.
See you all on the flip side!

"Hope is the dream of a man awake."
-French Proverb

Edit: I forgot to say! The masters are up! (If myspace is not being a pain)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Flames... on the side of my face....

After days of lying on the couch in a daze, I feel like I can actually think again. Maybe not straight. Maybe a little sideways. But at least its thinking, right?
I had a hell of a weekend. Mostly crappy. I was sick for most of it.

I helped Alex finish cleaning the first apartment I ever lived in out of my parents house. That was a trip. Seeing the place empty and (almost) how it looked when we moved in brought back strange memories. I was so naive back then. I thought I could take on the world, no problem. I didn't even know what the world was. I still don't. So much has changed. If those walls could talk! They would have so many crazy stories to tell. I've changed so much since I first saw that empty apartment. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that first month I lived in it and slap myself in the face. Tell myself to wise up! Ah, but wouldn't time travel be nice. No, its best left alone. If I've learned anything since then its that a bump in the road is not the end of the world. It might even seem like a mountain, but there's always hope in getting over it. I just have to keep being optimistic.

It marked the end of an era.
But unfortunately the cleaning of the apartment overexerted my poor sick body, and I woke up early Monday morning unable to hold down the contents of my stomach. After about an hour of passing out in the bathroom and making a mess of my bed and the bathroom floor, I moved to the couch with a bucket and forced poor Jordan to call 911 to make sure that the cocktail of medications I had taken before bed hadn't backfired on me. In a surprisingly short response time paramedics were by my side telling me I was just overreacting and my cold was just getting worse. I still don't believe them. But, you know, better safe than sorry. Needless to say, I've been stuck on the couch ever since, watching movie after movie, wishing that I had the energy to do something else, and having the worst cabin fever ever. Today it was The Big Lebowski, Alias, Harry Potter, Clue, and currently Catch Me If You Can. But I'm almost better! (I hope, last time I said this it did not turn out to my advantage.)

I'm so behind on school. HA! Silly me thinking that I could take 16 credit hours and be able to function as a normal human being. As soon as I get better I'm gonna be a busy busy girl.

Well I suppose that's all I have to say.

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The wonders of a cold washcloth

Whoa. I'm much more sick than I thought I was earlier today. Its an icky flu. Headache, fever, sore throat, sore joints, all the good stuff. So here I am watching Moulin Rouge with a nice cold washcloth that keeps falling down my face.

I've been thinking a lot about the past lately. The parts of high school I actually enjoyed. Like "booo-0000!", Guys and Dolls, early morning McDonalds ventures to get pancakes, etc. etc.
Its kind of fun to think about, but it makes me miss all of the people I've lost touch with over the past few years.

I don't know. I think my fever is making me woozy.

Getting through the headache

What a gorgeous day on the DU lawn. An abundance of tables are scattered throughout the pathways, everyone posting signs that say "Nader '08" or "Democracy Matters" or, my personal least favorite "McCain '08". Luckily, the signs that say "Obama" are the ones most people are swarming around. But there is a disturbing abundance of said Nader signs. This confuses me. Why vote for a candidate that is sure to lose? If you are hoping for change, as Nader clearly is, why not vote for someone who is more likely to win? I was asked on my way to class more than once to switch my voter registration to the green party, which I hurriedly declined. All these votes are doing is taking away a chance for change. You might as well vote for the republicans.

Oh, politics today. Most people who vote really have no idea what they are voting for. Hopefully some will wise up before the 4th.

Being at school sick sucks. This headache won't go away. I'm holding on, though. Three more hours and I'll be at home taking a spectacular nap. Oh how I long for Ibuprofen.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Flowers, Fences, and Fire Hydrants.

Ah... Time for a new beginning. Those are always nice. I had a beautiful day. Uneventful, yes, but beautiful. I did something I haven't done in a while and dragged Jordan out for a walk. Took some pictures! I'll post some :)

Jordan actually took this one.


I hope you enjoyed them.
I have nothing else interesting or intelligent to say... so until next time...